“Gay” vs. “Ghey”

The Question of “Gay” vs. “Ghey”

Introduction

My postings up to this point have been about Griffin and our experience of his conception, birth and his almost 10 months of growing up. Though we have had both positive and negative responses to our family we have chosen to express the positive.

So I have debated writing articles on this blog that shed light on the negative experiences we have had; such as:

Should I make another blog?
Or just not bring it up to our readers?
Should I make a web site then link it to our blog?

Then I remembered that we are going to guide our son through both the positive and negative experiences in our lives.

In contrast my family had always swept anything negative under the rug, as if it never happened, and I have learned that you might not see what’s under the rug, but you sure as hell have a hard time running a vacuum over the mass below the carpet.

So the first controversial article I’ll post here.

I am going to write this article directly to you, dear readers, raising questions and hope to have feed back from our heterosexual, GLBT, asexual and reserves-the-right-to-refuse-to-take-on-a-label ( J ) readers a.k.a. all of you lovely folks.

This started as a single question I was going to ask you, but as I began to write it blossomed into something much longer.

An important note before I continue. The term “gay” has its own controversy within the GLBT community; Wikipedia has a well defined history of the term “gay”. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay] For this article I will not delve into that controversy, it would only complicate matters, but that doesn’t mean I am not aware of the controversy; so I use the term “gay” to define GLBT Community in whole as that is how a majority of society outside generalize the GLBT community.

Definition

I want to use the quote below from the wiki article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay#Pejorative_non-sexualized_usage] as a pseudo definition of ‘ghey’ because the wiktionary article [3] doesn’t explain the details of the pejorative non-sexualized usage enough for me (though it does contain some quotes that explain very well the ignorance of using it).

Quote:

When used with a derisive attitude (e.g. "that was so gay"), the word gay is pejorative. While retaining its other meanings, it has also acquired "a widespread current usage" amongst young people, as a general term of disparagement. This pejorative usage has its origins in the late 1970s, when homosexuality was more widely seen as negative by a majority of people. Beginning in the 1980s and especially in the late 1990s, the usage as a generic insult became common among young people, who may or may not link the term to homosexuality, especially when directed at inanimate objects. This practice is frowned upon in some communities that seek to ensure respect for people of all sexual orientations, and is considered by some to be on par with ethnic slurs. Many defenders of the word's pejorative usage choose to spell it "ghey" to avoid any sexual connotations. Critics object to this change of spelling, often comparing it to the use of words like "knigger" or "nigga" for nigger to evade accusations of racism.

Personal History

Most of my free time is spent playing a MMORPG [4] (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) which I enjoy very much, not only because of the strategy, scenery and objectives that can be experienced but for the social interactions that are developed with other players from around the world.

The other players range from ages 8 to 80 so one gets a really diverse social experience.

What?!
Social experience from a game?!?
Mombi, have you gone nuts?!?

Yes, I know, I get that all of the time. Consider, however, that even if you don’t have personal experience within such an environment, it really is taking you out of the real world for a brief time and thrusting you into a whole new arena…but unlike your favorite movie or novel you are not alone in this journey; you’ve got others there with you.

The battle of Gay vs Ghey

In my experiences with players of the game I have had a pet peeve that has grown beyond the usual irk: the term “ghey”.

At first I thought that the young adults (and some mature adults) that used the term were actually using it, consciously, as a derogatory term against GLBT Community.

This I learned wasn’t always the case.

What Mombi are you crazy?!?

Seriously, the people that I’ve talked to both within my guild (group of players that play regularly together) and without do not always mean to offend the GLBT Community. (Note: HUUUUGE thanks to the officers of said guild who have considered the term “ghey” as offensive to GLBT Community and haven’t accepted the term simply as a way to describe something negative “these days.” They have made it an offense that could possibly get one kicked out of the group if the behavior continues.)

They meant “ghey” as in stupid, lame, boring, bummer, or to defame a person or event. Not “gay” to call the GLBT Community stupid, lame, boring, bummers or to deface them or what they do.

To quote Momai it is like the difference between a simile (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/simile) and a metaphor (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=metaphor ) they’re just saying that one is okay and the other isn’t.

The very sad thing is the term has become so inundated into the lexicon of youth today that they do not realize what they are saying. I’m going to use a few examples which I found very interesting.

I had resolved myself to keep silent when I heard others use the term, just feeling it was something irksome that I had to get over because what would it change?

What can one woman do to change such a thing?

Then it hit me, it only takes one person to voice out to realize that there are others who voice out, and even tough people think this is not an issue its something to “get over”.

So (damn it!) I was not going to simply get over it and learn to live with it.

So begins the battle, which I will not wage aggressively against the people I know by yelling at them. Rather, I simply say that offends me and when they ask me why I answer:

Why do you think “ghey” is different from “gay”?

This is from the Urban Dictionary (http://www.urbandictionary.com) which is sort of like a Wiki for users to write what they think the term means to them and by others.

And by the way there are more than 39 definitions of the term, quite a few more than the other words I’ve found on the site; I’m just going to list 4 examples:

Bud E Love says that “Ghey” means usurping the traditional term “GAY” to take the homosexual meaning out and leaving in the lame.”

DigitalLion feels that “ghey” means the same as “gay”. This term began as a way to get around videogame servers and other profanity filters. “gay” is blocked, but “ghey” is just fine.

Prisilla R. says that “ghey” is used to describe someone who is extremely lame or boring. Not to be confused with “gay” which describes a homosexual. Prisilla continues her opinion by offering an example. A conversation between friends Brett and Gary. “Brett: hey lets go pick up some chicks. Gary: Nah dude… I’d rather stay home and check my myspace. Brett: Stop being a ghey and let’s go!”

“Ghey” is “Ghey” feels that “Ghey” is a way to take the guilt out of offending [the] GLBT Community by calling something unfavorable “gay”. Since verbally, the new spelling is virtually unnoticeable, this rationale is rendered a waste of time, but as mentioned, it serves its purpose in the mind of the homophobe-in-denial.

I could go on and on but I won’t, those are the examples that I picked out to give my interpretations.

Bud E Love is apathetic and ignorant.
DigialLion gets straight to the point but a defeatist.
Prisilla R is just blasé and has no idea she just contradicted herself with her example.
Ghey is Gey is idealistic and hits the nail right on the head.

I myself went from defeatist to idealistic in the course of two years playing the mmorpg.

Most still do not understand why I am offended, if they are really interested in knowing I explain further by a few examples, and they are harsh.

WARNING: I detest having to say certain words; I use them ONLY to make a point against discrimination.

“What if I came along after losing a battle against another player, and I started to rant about how knigger he was, and that the game company was a knigger for allowing the game continent in the first place and that the whole team should shut up because that was being such a knigger?”

It makes me sick to say those things, and usually is a slap in the face to the player that I voice the question. They immediately find what I said offensive (because it was) and I ether get an “oh” or a “but that’s not what I mean when I say “ghey”, it just means stupid.”

I don’t go any further than that hoping that they will at least think about it next time they use the term “ghey” or hears it being used.

Here is where I realized that this has gone beyond a simple change of language.

These young adults, will soon be adults and have no comprehension that “ghey” is derogatory because all of their lives they have used the term and really, really do not feel that they are being offensive.

To me that is repugnant that it has been allowed to go so far.

Schools allow it (though “gay” isn’t to be used).
Chats allow it (though “gay” isn’t to be used).
Games allow it (though “gay” isn’t to be used).
BBC allows it (good grief, see below for a quote)
“The word 'gay' ... need not be offensive... or homophobic... The governors said, however, that Moyles was simply keeping up with developments in English usage. [...] The committee... was "familiar with hearing this word in this context." The governors believed that in describing a ring tone as 'gay', the DJ was conveying that he thought it was 'rubbish', rather than 'homosexual'. [...] The panel acknowledged however that this use... in a derogatory sense... could cause offence in some listeners, and counselled caution on its use. ”
—BBC Board of Governors


So it all comes back to this: “gay” vs “ghey”

Or to put it in new terms: Homos vs stupid.

Many who condone homosexuality find the use of term to be offensive, but remain silent because it is “just something kids say now-a-days.”

Ouch.

In closing

Thank you for listening to my rant, I hope it was food for thought about next time you hear a young relative using the term, or experience the same thing on a chat or in a blog, or are a concerned parent.

I do not know how to continue, or where to go from here to even start to seriously begin to curb the use of the new ‘word’.

Okay I will go as far as to ask how to start getting this word banned?

How did words like coon, spic, white trash, yellow or kike get banned from the politically correct lexicon?

I am not delusional.

I know that in familial, social and ethic circles these terms are still used, and the term “ghey” will still be used even if it is banned as offensive by those who are morally and politically correct.

I know one thing:

I do not want my son to grow up with the word “ghey” as part of his every day lexicon.

I do not want him to grow up confused over the definitions of what “gay” vs “ghey” is.

I do not want to explain to him that no one means to offend his mommies or himself when they use “ghey” as a negative.

I do not want him to be afraid to tell his friends about his Mama and Baba because he knows they would be called “ghey” (less of a person)… not meaning “gay” (homosexual).

I do not want him to accept “ghey” as a casual negative term.

And most of all I do not want him to have to take the brunt of this battle of “gay” vs “ghey”; he is going to have enough adversity to overcome.

This should be our stand, not his.


1 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay
2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay#Pejorative_non-sexualized_usage
3 http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ghey
4 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massively_multiplayer_online_role-playing_game
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/simile
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=metaphor