I swear, just when I think I've gotten used to the idea, it hits me all over again. I was reading in the tub last night when I glanced down and realized (as if for the first time) that there is a tiny kiddo bobbing around in there. I don't think I'll ever really truly get used to it.
I'll go for days feeling like pregnancy is the normal state of things, that it's normal for me to lean back in my chair at work with my hand on my belly, for me to constantly be snacking or thinking about snacking, for my sleep to come a few hours at a time with 15 minute segments of total altertness throughout the night.
But then I'll be cruising along, just going with the pregnant flow, and suddenly it's there... I'm pregnant. I'm really actually pregnant. Mombi and I are finally going to be moms. We did it. It's happening.
The realization sensation is very much like the process of coming out of the closet. For those of you who have experienced one or the other, you now have an insight to the "other side" that few posess. I remember the first time I kissed a girl. Sure, I'd theoretically known that I would. I knew that I thought that I wanted to. But to know that I'd actually kissed a GIRL... In a way, I think it surprised me just as much as it could surprise anyone else!
That same surprise will still hit me at other times, but in a different way. When I'm totally content and happy just hanging out at home with Mombi, I'll suddenly remember that some people would be totally scandalized just by seeing us sitting on the couch together. Some people are so weird. How can this not be a normal and natural way for us to be?
And now we're going to have a baby. What a wonderful world!
5 comments:
What a wonderful post! You delight me. - Wendy
I know exactly how you feel!! We have those "Holy Crud, we're pregnant!" moments too! Usually in the middle of the night!
We have those ALL THE TIME!
Lois even more so. It's like she keeps forgetting or thinking it's happening to someone else, not her.
A few days ago, she looked down at her belly, which is starting to be more noticeable and she said "what the heck is this?"
"It's happening to someone else..." that's it exactly. I think it must be one of those things that you imagine for so long that once it happens, part of your mind somehow thinks that maybe you're still imaginging it.
Sacha was just saying last night, "I can't believe there's a person in there that we don't know." and she had a "Holy Crud, we're pregnant" feeling too. She said she just couldn't believe it actually worked after 8 tries and thought that if it had worked faster maybe she'd believe it more (maybe not though!). We were just starting to feel that it would never happen, so it's so hard to accept that it has.
I have excited moment like this and also moments of fear. Our lives will be so different in 6 months in wonderful and terrible ways that we can't even adequately imagine.
But, as a friend said yesterday, "Your life is so different now." Note she didn't say it WILL be different. And she's right. The realization of that little person changes everything the moment you realize they exist.
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