First Tour of L&D

I was at the hospital this morning for a standard blood draw, and decided to wander through the Labor & Delivery area. The nurses on duty were fabulous. One of them gave me a short tour and a stack of information about their policies, and everything looks good. The nurse was a bit confused when I asked her how they deal with excessive volume. I'm sure I'll be vocalizing quite a bit! I have no intention to curb it for their sakes, so I just hope they'll take it gracefully.

:)

How ya doing?

It's an innocuous enough question, one that Americans give each other every day of the year. The expected reply is generally something to the effect of "great, how are you?"

This doesn't work so well when you're pregnant. And it's a question that pregnant (particularly showing) women hear often. OK, constantly. I must have had 10-15 different people yesterday pass me in the hall at work and as how I was feeling, how I was doing, how I'd been lately... all of them women, and all of them clearly referring to my ever-growing baby boy belly bump.

Now I appreciate that they want to acknowledge my pregnancy and say hello, but this does create a bit of an awkward situation. When you both know that what they really mean is "How are you doing with your pregnancy?" it just doesn't sound right to answer "Great, how are you?"

Nerves

I've never been worried about the pain aspect, since I have a high pain tolerance. But I've decided that it's time to acknowledge that yes, indeed, there are parts of giving birth that cause me concern. There are two things about giving birth that make me nervous and worried:


Tension. I've never been good at relaxing my body. Mombi can make me go totally limp just by rubbing the bridge of my nose, though, so hopefully together we can manage to stay relaxed and loose.

Stamina. I'm afraid I'll get tired out and not be able to finish. What if I get tired out and just can't push?

I'm shifting into preparation mode now so I can be ready then. I'm reading the book "Birthing from Within" and it has a lot of great information in it on how to relax. I'm also starting to swim more frequently, which will hopefully help me to build up my core muscles, which will help with strength/stamina.

About Weirdness

Meg asked me to post some more detail about the various weirdnesses of being pregnant. In no particular order, here are a few of the weirdnesses I've experienced. I've skipped the basic stuff that everyone knows about, like having to pee every 15 minutes.

Please, feel free to add your own in the comments section.

1. Feeling the baby moving. People describe it as feeling like butterfly flutters or gas bubbles. To me, it definitely feels more like muscle twitches. Have you ever had a twitch in your eyelid or some other muscle that was tired out? Imagine that sensation in your lower abdomen, and that's pretty much exactly how it feels, especially for the first few weeks that you can feel it. Griffin is now starting to pack a bit more punch, but most of his little motions still feel like that. Now, though, he's starting to direct his little spasms down at my bladder or up at my diaphram, so that's a whole new level of weirdness to consider.

2. Twinges. Everywhere. And according to Mombi, I make some pretty interesting faces.

3. Emotions. I've done my fair share of dealing with depression, ADD, etc. But this random crying stuff, especially when I can't even find a negative trigger as a source, is downright kooky. Luckily, Mombi has a good sense of humor about it and she usually monologues on the importance of releasing toxins until either I run out of steam and pull myself together, or she convinces me to let her turn on a Harry Potter audio book and tuck me in for a nap. (Random fact: we've fallen asleep to Harry Potter nearly every night for the past 2+ years. I have a feeling that, at birth, Griffin will recognize three voices. Mine, Mombi's, and Jim Dale's.)

4. Stretching. Before becoming pregnant, I thought of it as being a bit like being a Transformer (TM). My body is designed to do this, right? So like a Transformer, I figured that some parts would flip up, some would flip down, some would pop out, and voila, the space would be there. Not so. Yes, things stretch and/or shift. But only when they have to. "Have to" means that there's something pushing on them too hard for them to resist. For example, I am now dealing with a back that hurts precisely where my floating ribs connect to my spine. They are floating higher and wider day by day, which means that all the connections have to shift. Similar events are occuring in my hips and among my internal organs. My abdominal musles are even starting to separate down the front of my belly. You've seen those drawings of where your organs go when you're pregnant? Honey, it's one thing to see the picture as a passive audience. Once you're experiencing it, those pictures get pretty scary. Looking at photos of beautiful full-term bellies? Terrifying!

5. Intense ambivalance. Sometimes, every food you hear mentioned sounds perfect. Other times, the name of the food sounds great, but when you think about it, you really have no interest in eating it. Other foods you can't stand the thought of, and then crave intensely as soon as they are no longer available. And it often seems that the hungrier you are, the more you hate the idea of food because you just know that it'll be impossible to be satisfied.

6. Dreams. See previous posts.

7. Society. Am I the only one who finds it odd when Co-workers call me Mommy or call me by my kid's name while looking at my belly? It doesn't bother me, but still, it's definitely in the "weirdness" category.

8. Time. It's worse than the week before a big vacation. Time goes so quickly, and so slowly. There's so much to think about and do, and yet there's nothing new to think about after a while, and not much you are "allowed" do.

All done!

Well, my Solstice gifts for Mombi are all wrapped and under the Christmas tree. Now comes the hard part... trying to resist inviting her to open them right away! I'll be fairly free of temptation until she gets hers for me wrapped, but after that we're doomed!

Summary

Being pregnant feels weirder than I ever could have imagined.

What a Great Weekend

I had such a fun weekend. I did a bunch of really fun holiday shopping, we finally got our tree up, my energy level is up and my emotional state is stable. I even finally got the haircut I've been needing for three months now. This is shaping up to be a great holiday week! I'll be working for the next two days, and then I'll have two days off to celebrate the solstice with Mombi. Then one more day at work, and three more off!

My family will be celebrating Christmas at my parents' house this coming Saturday, and that's always a lot of fun. My family all gets along very well, and we have a great time together. This year should be no exception. So far all the traditions have been adhered to. My mom has already declaired that this is the year that there will be less under the tree (she tends to go overboard,) and everyone will be in town, with the exception of my sister Amy's significant other.

The only tradition that won't be happening this year is that we won't all be spending the night at my parents' place the night before, since there won't be enough beds for all of us this year. That's fine, though, because it means we can leave the dog home and she won't be in the way while we're making a mess in the living room. It also means that I won't have to haul all my pillows over there. They'd fill up the trunk of our car, and we wouldn't have room for presents!

Griffin is now easily felt from the outside, so I have a feeling that some of the family (particularly my sister Amy) will be spending a lot of time communing with the kiddo. Which is fine with me! I totally get a kick out of it. Pun not intended, but I do love feeling it from the inside when Griffin kicks and it makes people giggle or grin. And I'm all about providing entertainment when I don't have to do anything other than lean back and relax.

He has a name!

We're delighted to announce that we've settled on a name for Skippy. Our little boy will enter the world as Griffin Alexander. We had a different name in mind, but we spotted the name "Griffin" on a kid's drawing while we were waiting to vote at an elementary school, and discovered that we both really liked the name. It took a while to find the right middle name to go with it, but we really like the result. It's a name that could sound equally appropriate for a business man or a hippie nature boy, or anyone inbetween.

So yeah, Griffin has a name. He also has a nice large home that rests directly on my bladder. Kegels don't seem to be helping at all. And I'm not even five months pregnant yet! I'm in such trouble. Any advice on how to keep things under control?

Getting a Nice Stretch

Life is good. There really isn't much to report on the pregnancy front, but we're having fun anticipating having a little baby boy in the house. It's all so exciting just to contemplate. Skippy is moving so much now that I feel him consistently throughout my waking hours. Mombi somehow always knows just where to put her hand to feel the next big kick. She and Skippy are going to be such a duo!

Apparently he's quite active during my sleep, too: Last night I dreampt that he gave a huge kick and stretched out to full length, and my belly took on the shape of his front side, all the way from his profile on my left side to his feet popping out on my right. Then he decided (in my dream) that he wanted to come out and hang around with us for a while, and suddenly he was there, perfectly formed and fully grown and super cute. He suffered his first "mommies don't know everything" disillusionment almost immediately, though, when we told him that we had no idea how to get him back inside me. Still, his immediate needs were met (he claimed to have come out because he was hungry) and it was a very happy visit all around. What a good baby we have!

Our Active Child

We had a check-up this morning (21 weeks, wow!) and Skippy was a very active little boy! He kept squirming around and kicking the doplar monitor thingy. His heart rate was 155, my BP is nice and low, and everything is looking good!

Time sure flies...

I've been such a neglectful blogger lately. Busy at work, worn out by the time I get home... there just isn't enough time for everything, and work and sleep usually win.

Life is good. Skippy is happily pinging away at my lower abdomen for a good portion of each day, so that's very cool. It's still more like little muscle twitches than heavy duty thumps, so it's a pleasant accompaniment to my daily routine. Energy level and all that are good, although I don't know how I'll get done all the things I want to do before Christmas. It's just so satisfying to crash on the couch as soon as I get home each day!

How safe is your baby right now?

A study looked at the cord blood for 10 random US babies, and found an average of 200 industrial chemicals and polutants per baby. At birth, these kids already had major toxins in their bodies. Check out this website, and look up the skin/hair/etc products you use:

http://www.ewg.org/reports/skindeep2/

If you look at nothing else, check out the list of the most dangerous (i.e. toxic) baby washes. Johnson & Johnson and Gerber both have products right up there at the top. We sure won't be using them!!!!!

And surprise surprise, almost all of the stuff in the shower at our place contains chemicals that can cause cancer, developmental problems, etc. I guess that's what we get for shopping based on packaging and fake fragrance.

I'm going shopping for new shampoo tomorrow. Hey, I've missed reading the labels on Dr. Bronner's anyway.

20 Weeks and 2 Days Down, 138 Days to Go!

Wow, we're over halfway there. Of course that's counting the first two weeks when I was on a bunch of hormones, and assuming that I won't be significantly late delivering, which I very well may be. Still, the magical 20 weeks has been achieved.

It really is amazing how much the sensation of pregnancy can change from week to week and month to month. I can still remember how amazingly exhausted I was for the first few months, and the mild nausea I felt constantly. Those are gone now apart from the occasional gag reflex due to smells. Currently the main "symptoms" are: tickling from the boy as he thumps the sides of his swimming pool, and continued nightly dreams involving food. It doesn't seem to make any difference what type of dream it is, my subconscious manages to get food in there somewhere.

Mombi bought me some fabulous flannel pajamas with a retro snowflake pattern in red and lime green, so I'm sitting pretty. And they've got plenty of room for a growing belly, so I'll probably be wearing these very frequently until April at least!

One of Life's Great Mysteries

When you have a cold, you may find that there's nothing you can do to clear your nose so you can breathe through it. However, if you intentionally "plug" your nose so you won't smell something, it suddenly starts to run.

What crazy function is that supposed to serve?

Oxygen tent, please.

Stuffy-head colds are no fun. Stuffy head colds when you're already functioning with a semi-compressed set of lungs is even worse.

I'm getting chapped lips from walking around the office with my mouth hanging open so I can breathe. And then people stop me to ask if I'm OK, so I have to explain, and that restricts my O2 consumption even more. Bah.

Love those pregnancy hormones.

On my morning and afternoon commutes, I like to listen to NPR (National Public Radio.) I'm an addict. I love the commentaries, I appreciate the news, and the quirky stories make me smile. Except.... when I'm having a pregnancy hormone morning. Often, by the time I realize it, it's too late.

For example, this morning. I'm driving along, traffic isn't too bad, I'm running on time, and the radio isn't telling me anything more hideous than normal. I'm doing just fine. Then, a story comes on about the creation of the Charlie Brown Christmas special. I start tearing up, listening to how hard the creators pushed to get the music they believed in, when the network thought that jazz and christmas music couldn't mix. Luckily, I pulled in to a parking spot at work just as the children's choir number started. As it was, it only took me a moment to compose myself before I headed into the building. If I'd actually listened to those kids singing, there's no telling what could have happened.

When the story first started, I had every intention of watching it on TV tonight. Now? Let's just say I'll take the story as fair warning, and watch something safe like CSI.

So Many New Ideas

Wow, a little boy. We're so excited, and there's so much for us to learn! The last time I did any regular diapering of a boy baby was probably when I was in around 8th grade. That was quite a while ago! Mombi has done some more recently than that, but not much.

We've got some of the big decisions out of the way already, such as whether or not we're going to have the kid circumcised and what his name will be. The fact that the kid will have Mombi's last name popped out while I was talking to my maternal grandmother on the phone Thanksgiving. That was an interesting bit of conversation, let me tell you. She's been studiously glazing over the fact that Mombi and I are a couple for several years now. We've known that it would come down to this as far as whether she'll "get it" and acknowledge our relationship or not. We'll see how it goes. So far, all she's said (to my mom, after she got off the phone with me) is something about "so many new ideas to get used to" which could mean just about anything. When it comes down to it, though, babies are babies and kids are kids, and I know our family will get a warm welcome whenever we visit them (9 hours away).

There's still so much to figure out before he arrives, and even more after... It was quite a little mind-opener when Mombi pointed out that we'll have to find a sitter for the next Harry Potter movie!

Lots of Fun with Picture Pages

Well, it's a good thing we're not overly fond of pink. Looks like Mombi and I will soon have a boy in the house!

The sonogram tech actually put an arrow on the second image (removed for his future privacy) to point out the "key feature." I thought that was going a bit far for a public posting, though! Seriously, could it be any more obvious? (The baby's butt is backed up against the left edge of the sonogram image area, and he's "pointing" out into the amniotic fluid.)

Everything Looks Great!

Well, we're back home, exhausted from excitement and lack of sleep, but still in high spirits. The sonogram was awesome, and I had just as much fun watching the faces of my family members as I did watching the monitor. I need a nap now, though. More details later, when I have the energy to scan pics and such.

;)

Anticipation

This is so much worse than the first day of school ever was. Here I am, awake at 1:30AM, with nothing more productive to do than some lower belly prep work. If that doesn't get me back to sleep, I may resort to a trip to wallyworld to buy the VHS tape for the sonogram. Mombi, the night owl, is actually in bed. Go fig.

Ping! Ping!

That's the feeling of Skippy hanging out right beneath the wasteband of my preggo pants, which never stay all the way up, but never quite fall off. I feel like a pregnant skater. Maybe once I finish with them I'll find a young punk to give them to. I'm sure the gratitude will be overwhelming.

Tomorrow is the big day! I don't know which excites Mombi more, the fact that we'll know if we're going to be living with a boy or girl for the next 18+ years, or that she can finally stop calling the kid "skippy." Me, I'm just hoping that everything looks right on the screen!

The Cat has Spoken

Yesterday morning, our cat Basil made her prediction on Skippy's sex. As I was browsing a page of posts on a message board, she casually walked across the laptop. As she did, she precisely highlighted a single word. That word happens to be the first name we picked out for Skippy if Skippy is indeed a "she."

Yes, cats walk on keyboards all the time. but when was the last time you saw one move a mouse to a particular spot, then press down the mouse button while sliding the cursor over a single word, then let go of the mouse button before stepping off the computer? I ask you.

If she's right, she'll be gloating for months.

Things are moving...

...both figuratively and literally!

Mombi and I have both felt Skippy moving, so there's something new to think about, at least. Mainly, it's just a waiting time now until next Wednesday when we will (hopefully) find out if we're having a boy or a girl. It'll be standing-room-only in the sonogram room, since my mom and sister are going to be there for it along with Mombi and me.

I think we've finally got our child's potential names decided, so that's a plus. No decision yet on when we'll tell the world, though, since we may change our minds again in the next five months. I doubt it, but then again I thought we had them decided for sure before I even got pregnant, and they're totally different now than they were then.

So once we know the answer to the girl/boy question, that'll give us a much stronger basis for visualizing and imagining what the future will hold. Until then, there's not much we can do to prepare other than talk to my belly (or dance with it, in Mombi's case) and stay well rested and fed.

Speaking of which, the food dreams continue. Last night I drempt that I was helping to clean up after a huge corporate potluck. (For those of you who know where I work, the one I was dreaming about was not the same as the one we had on Thursday!) Anyway, I got there just as it was time to clean up, and so I was stuffing my pockets and loading my arms with all the remaining food that I could carry, including a bunch of fancy european chocolate that was melted in its wrappers because someone had set it out right next to the coffee maker. That was some of the saddest ferero rocher chocolate I've ever seen. The ones in those triangle packages looked ok, of course, but I'm sure they were mush inside, too.

For some reason there was also an entire bushel basket and a half of blueberries there, but the person in charge wouldn't let me have any of them. Not even a single berry. Ah, well. I'll get some one of these days. Probaby frozen, but that's OK by me. I love blueberries.

Congratulations!

Congratulations to Sarah and BB and their beautiful baby boy, Nicholas Leander!

HOLY COW!

OK, just felt the baby for the first time for sure, not just little flutters that could be gas or could be kid. WOW, WOW, WOW. There's a Skippy in there!!!!!

Uneventful Pregnancy

They all say that Uneventful Pregnancy is what you want. Because, of course, "events" in pregnancy are generally bad. I just wish there were some eventful things going on outside the pregnancy so I'd have something to think about other than baby registries, food, and the mystery of "what gave me gas?"

Poem for My Wife, in the Style of Ogden Nash, Composed at 6:00 AM Sunday Morning, on a Full Belly of Hash Browns and Fried Eggs

Oh my love, my lovely wife
Purveyor of things warm, toasty, and nutritious
You fill my belly with the finest stuff of life
For the health not just of me, but of us.

Nothing could be finer than waking from sleep to find
A beautiful woman coming near bearing food and smiles
As I try to adjust my eyes to the light, and my mind
to the fact that I really am so lucky as to have a wife
who knows that I will be wanting hot food at between
2:30 and 4:00AM each morning for the next several months,
and is willing to bring it to me on a tray that by that
time she will have carried miles.

When I am full you find instead that I want water
Or a bottle of sports drink with electrolytes (or at least I oughter.)
Or maybe a huge pile of blankets to burrow in on the couch
While unwinding after work as I try not to whine and grouch.

Thank you for everything a million times over.
Without you I'd be a total mess half the time
and my mornings would not be happy ones with you and
perfectly cooked whatever, but instead I'd be alone
with some pathetic microwaved food and Russell Stover.



(Ogden Nash)

Ways to Waste Money

As usual, a portion of my weekend has been spent browsing the baby sites and registries. I registered for a few things. I also found a few more I will NOT be registering for.

Check this out: Baby DNA Kit For just $30, you too can put some baby spit in a ziplock bag. There, now don't you feel prepared for anything?

Riiiight.

Introducing: Skippy's Game!

We'll be finding out the gender soon, so get in your votes!

Skippy's Guessing Game

(or go to expectnet.com and search for "Skippygame.")

Election Day

Well, it's election day, and after work I'm heading to the polls. On the ballot here in Tennessee is a constitutional ammendment against gay marriage. Second parent adoption laws are currently very ambiguous here, so going to the polls with Mombi and Skippy to vote on this will be a very personal experience.

Please, Tennessee. Think of our family. These bans make no sense.

Bits and Pieces: Random Updates and News

None of this stuff felt (or feels) big enough to get a post of its own. So here, in no particular order, are some recent updates and tidbits for your reading enjoyment:

Had an OB appointment today, everything looks good. No sonogram, but we got to hear Skippy's heartbeat for the first time. It was 153bpm, and sounded like a very soft choo choo train. I have my anatomy sonogram scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving. So on November 23 or 24, look for news on if Skippy is a boy or a girl.

Yes, I did it. I went home an hour early last Thursday and sent Mombi out to rent Sound of Music. She was incredulous, of course, but she played along. It was just what I needed.

Also today, Mombi got her new glasses! Her old ones had a very old prescription and the frames were just about dead. We got her the ultra deluxe lenses and some absolutely adorable frames, and it was so worth it! She's been squinting for years now and dealing with headaches. Her old glasses gave her a fishbowl perspective, and the anti-glare coating was totally worn off. These new ones use a new technology that got rid of the fish bowl sensation, and they fit her perfectly. I'm so happy for her that she can finally see again!

Dreams? Oh yes, many dreams. All of which seem to involve food at some point. Last night it was a spy thriller. I infiltrated their potluck. I didn't get my guy, but I did manage to finish my plate before things got dicey.

So how am I in general? Doing well, I think. I'm feeling weird and achy and twingy, and I definitely show depending on what I wear. Per the nurse a the OB office today, I'm right on track with all of that. The hormone issues seem to have straightened themselves out again. The miserableness seems to have faded for now, as has my BO. I'm back to smelling fresh and clean without any particular effort. On the down side, I'm also back to feeling a bit off, like I'm about to get a cold or something. But I'd much rather deal with that than subject Mombi to the bawling lunatic she had on her hands for a few days there.

Yes, I am. No, I'm not.

My dentist is 19 weeks pregnant, only 3 weeks ahead of me. It was very interesting talking to her about it while getting prepped for a crown yesterday. The poor thing... I can't imagine dealing with constant nausea and morning sickness while working as a dentist! With the smell issues I have, I'd never make it. As far as I know, she only had to dash for the bathroom once while working on me.

Once while it was just the tech and I, the tech asked me if my husband wanted a boy. I responded with the standard "My partner, actually. And yes, she is hoping for a boy." The tech fell all over herself apologizing for her mistake. I quickly reassured her that I, too, assume that any pregnant woman I see is straight. In fact, twice this week I've caught myself using the reasoning of "well, they have kids" as a reason for an assumption that someone is straight. I guess I need to work on that.

Time Goes Backwards

For a few days, I thought I was over the 4 month mark. I had to look at the calendar before I could tell myself otherwise. Then I went for most of this week thinking that I was at 16.5 weeks, not 15.5. Clearly, I'm not blogging enough, or I'd see my own ticker and know better.

Tomorrow I will be 16 weeks. Really.

Also tomorrow morning is my first appointment with my OB. I've finally been released from care with the Center for Reproductive Health, so it's time to time to join the world of "normal prenatal care." I have no idea if they're going to do an ultrasound or not. As long as they confirm that Skippy is doing well, I don't care how they do it. I had dental work done today (prep work for a crown) and although I know they said it wouldn't be a problem since they used special drugs, I still want the confirmation. Ditto with the fact that I was off Prometrium for a few days and then went back on a lower dosage. I feel like things are fine, but then again, I feel so odd most of the time that I don't really know what "fine" is supposed to feel like. I'll let you know tomorrow how it all turns out.

By the way, my sister sent me an e-mail today to mention that Ani Difranco is also pregnant. She's a trimester ahead of me, but it's still wild to think of us as being pregnant at the same time.

15 Weeks Pregnant Today!

And what a day it has been so far: Raining out, sniffles, bad sleep, flat tire... I won't bore you with the details, I'll just say I'd rather be at home with my girl. It's the sort of day when you want to curl up on the couch and watch Sound of Music. It's been years since I've wanted to watch it, but I may just have to stop at Blockbuster on the way home.

I think it was the ghastly flower perfume in one of the company restrooms that made me want to watch it, because for some reason it got that Edelweis song stuck in my head. (I hope I spelled it correctly, I don't feel like looking it up. My German and Austrian ancestors may be scorning me right now, but they'll have to deal with it. I switched the V for a W, so that must count for something.)

I shouldn't have taken a lunch break, I'm losing the little bit of momentum that I had. And this afternoon I'll be busy with the non-stop fun of organizational chart creation. Yippee.

United Way Campaign Starts Today

I'm on the campaign committee for my company's first ever United Way campaign, which starts today. It's fun stuff, but there's a lot to do. So for the next week or so, I'll probably be a bit absent. Just imagine me with my slightly-showing belly, handing out fake money with executives' pictures on it, dressing up to trick-or-treat for pledge cards, making balloon animals at the carnival, and scooping chili at the chili cook-off. I'm going to be one busy prego. And when I'm not at work, I'll be asleep. I guarantee you.

In other news: I munched my way through three orders of vegetarian sushi (dont worry, they know I'm pregnant and were very careful) for dinner last night, and still wanted more. Good grief!

Getting Spoiled

I'm turning into such a weekend slug. I spent most of this weekend on the couch re-reading (for the Xth time) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I've got a whole shelf full of brain candy reading materials, and I think I've read them all at least once in the past 3.5 months. Not that I'm complaining, of course, but I do wonder just how much of a shock I'm setting myself up for when Skippy arrives.

Alright, I suppose I should admit that I'm about as active as my body will let me be. I'm so busy during the week that on the weekends I really need to just rest. I'd love to do all sorts of great baby-preparation projects on the weekends. Instead, it's all I can do to prepare the baby. Sure, it's no small task creating a life form. But still.

Twitch to the Left! Twitch to the Right!

OK, so how long will it feel like someone is digging in my belly button at random times of the day? The twinges and stretches on the side quadrants are no big deal. And the ones below I'm learning to deal with. But come on now... As an adult, I do understand that my belly button is not directly connected to the baby's by way of the cord, as I once thought.

So what gives? Why should the expansion of my uterus make it feel like someone is stretching a rubberband that's tied to its backside? Can I look forward to this ending any time soon, or should I just get over it?

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

14 weeks, one day.

As of today, my belly is now the foremost portion of my body when I stand regularly. Wow!

I've been put back on Prometrium supplements (although only 100mg/day, not 300mg) so hopefully that will put a damper on my pre-post-partum depression. I know my sherpa will be happy about that! On the other hand, my recently calmed sense of smell may kick in again, and I can only hope that my newly expanded menu posibilities don't become limited again. The adventure just keeps going, and on Monday I get to call my OB to set up the rest of my appointments!

Here's a Post

I'm feeling pretty blah this evening, so I'm afraid you won't be getting my usual high-energy banter. The good news is that I have energy during the days again, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to last until evening, and lately I find that I get home just in time to turn to mush. It must be because the supplemental hormones are fading out of my system. It's like having a mini post-partum depression.

On the up side, Mombi takes good care of me. She puts me to bed when I get home, then wakes me up a couple hours later with food and Breyers coffee flavor ice cream. She reminds me that tears help my body shed toxins, and doesn't push me to "be happy" when I don't want to be. She's the best. As a reward, I've granted her total creative freedom on Skippy's room. It only seems fair, since I totally took over decorating the rest of the place when we moved in here in May!

Tomorrow I get the results of today's 7:15 am blood draw, and I'll know if I am released from care with the fertility specialist. If I am, I get to call and set up my first appointment with the doctor I believe will be my OB. It's a bit bittersweet, since I've become so attached to the folks at my RE's office, but I know we'll keep in touch. I'm not planning to take anyone off my "people to brag to about Skippy" list for quite a while.

Yay, Family!

As of Friday, Skippy had the following:

2 cloth diapers
2 onesies
1 soft rattle
1 water temperature ducky
1 giraffe picture

On Saturday, I went to visit my brother and my sister in law, and they gave Skippy a crib, a car seat, and a bunch of other stuff that their three girls no longer need. She also has a lot of girl clothes, so if Skippy is a girl, she will be set! Now we just need to get Skippy's room cleared out of all the other junk so that we can start setting it up. How exciting!

On Sunday, my mom took Skippy and me maternity shopping. It was so much fun! I swear, I haven't had this many new clothes at one time since I was a baby myself. I even got a maternity swimsuit so I can use the indoor pool! Now I just need to ration my new clothes so that they don't all enter my regular wardrobe circulation at the same time. It shouldn't be too hard, since some of them definitely look like empty sacks on me right now. But they won't for long!

I'm Not Faking It!

Yesterday I realized that I can no longer look flat stomached when I "suck it in." Cool! I, like many women, celebrated pregnancy as an excuse to not try so hard to keep the belly looking flat. How fabulous to know that it isn't just a choice any more, that I really do have a little pregnancy belly starting.

Of course, Mombi says I've had one for a while now. I don't know how much has been baby and how much has been pregnancy gas. I guess it all counts as pregnant belly, though!

Well, This is a Surprise!

No, it's not really as exciting as the title makes it sound, but I have to share with you a fabulous phenomenon that I've been experiencing since I got pregnant. No smell. No, I don't mean that I can't smell anything. I mean that I haven't needed deodorant since week 4 or so. Crazy, no? I don't know which hormone is controling my underarms right now, but I hope it isn't one of the prescribed ones, because I'd be sorry to see this little benefit go when I stop taking Prometrium and "the Estradol one" this weekend.

In other good news, it looks like I didn't have a virus last week, so I don't need to worry that I made anyone sick by trying to go to work that way. The bad news is that I made this discovery by having the same symptoms again starting last night, and now I'm pretty sure that it's food poisoning caused by beef sticks I had in my fridge. Needless to say, they are no longer there. Just in case it wasn't the beef sticks, though, I've decided to start keeping a food journal. Hopefully it will help me to track what I can and can't eat these days. It really doesn't help that the rules seem to change from day to day, either! In any case, it's another busy day at work today, so I'm just going to have to deal with it and try to stay hydrated better this time around.



Oh yeah, and we had a sonogram yesterday! And no, that's not a boy part you see. We've got at least a month until we'll be able to see (or not see) that. Skippy was moving around and stretching like mad. The nurse and tech said we might need to get a baby-sized Lazy-Boy!


I tell ya, there's a major fringe benefit that comes from using a fertility doctor... they do lots of ultrasounds to make sure that everything is perfect! Most people these days only get one or maybe two during their entire pregnancy, but I've been getting them every two weeks.

Of course, that's only true through next week, when I'll be released from care with Dr. V and will start seeing my regular OB. I have no idea what her policy is. I think I want to get one of those doplar listening things, because I can't imagine not being able to "check in" with Skippy as regularly as we have been. I get worried as it is, I can't imagine going months without seeing Skippy bouncing and swimming around in there!

What counts as dehydrated?

OK, so I had a virus or something at the end of last week (mainly Thursday and Friday) and I guess I got dehydrated, because I've been pretty lethargic and very thirsty since then. I did the little test where you pinch the skin on the back of your hand to see if it goes back down quickly, and according to that I'm fine, but I read that if I get too dehydrated, Skippy's swimming pool could get too small and cause deformities because s/he won't have room to stretch out while bones are forming.

I called my RE's office this morning, but I haven't heard back yet. What do you think I should do? I don't want to go to the hospital if they're just going to tell me to drink more sports drinks. My belly feels over-full with liquid as it is! My mouth is still dry, though, and it's got me worried.

Anyone else experience something like this?

Sherpa Games

Sherpa Game Number 1: While your pregnant partner is sleeping, heat up some yummy-smelling food. See how long it takes her to wake up and come out to see if she can have some. The clock starts from whenever you can first smell it while in the kitchen. Who ever can lure out the pregnant woman fastest wins.

Sherpa Game Number 2: Same as above, but this time you're going for stealth. See if you can make her food that smells good and get it to her room before she wakes up. Note: it doesn't count if she's awake in bed, trying to will you to bring the food to her. She has to be asleep when you cross the threshold.

Thank You, Sherpa!

(First, a call out to Lesbian Dad, who coined the use of this term for supportive partners of pregnant women. Well done!)

My lovely Mombi is off on her first middle-of-the-night supermarket raid, in search of Breyer's brand coffee ice cream, crunchy cheetos, and the makings of barbeque sandwiches, complete with coleslaw, which she loathes. I'm camped out on the couch, watching Mirrormask and awaiting her victorious return.

The most brilliant part is that it was all her idea. Ah... now that's love.

Holy Crud, I'm Pregnant!

I swear, just when I think I've gotten used to the idea, it hits me all over again. I was reading in the tub last night when I glanced down and realized (as if for the first time) that there is a tiny kiddo bobbing around in there. I don't think I'll ever really truly get used to it.

I'll go for days feeling like pregnancy is the normal state of things, that it's normal for me to lean back in my chair at work with my hand on my belly, for me to constantly be snacking or thinking about snacking, for my sleep to come a few hours at a time with 15 minute segments of total altertness throughout the night.

But then I'll be cruising along, just going with the pregnant flow, and suddenly it's there... I'm pregnant. I'm really actually pregnant. Mombi and I are finally going to be moms. We did it. It's happening.

The realization sensation is very much like the process of coming out of the closet. For those of you who have experienced one or the other, you now have an insight to the "other side" that few posess. I remember the first time I kissed a girl. Sure, I'd theoretically known that I would. I knew that I thought that I wanted to. But to know that I'd actually kissed a GIRL... In a way, I think it surprised me just as much as it could surprise anyone else!

That same surprise will still hit me at other times, but in a different way. When I'm totally content and happy just hanging out at home with Mombi, I'll suddenly remember that some people would be totally scandalized just by seeing us sitting on the couch together. Some people are so weird. How can this not be a normal and natural way for us to be?

And now we're going to have a baby. What a wonderful world!

CAUTION: Subconscious Liberal Gunslinging

Some pregnant women dream that they're in a situation where they have to defend their child. Yep, I've had a couple of those, too. But last night I drempt that I somehow snuck into a fundraiser/speech featuring Goobus Maximus, our illustrious (here meaning "having no luster") leader, Mr. George Witless Bastard.

Ooh, and I got him good. During the open discussion period, I used all those bland generic comments that his writers love so much (because he can't mess them up, and because no one can proove later that he meant one thing or the other.) He held me up for the audience as a fine example of American youth and intelligence and "the next generation of independent thinkers working for the good of the people."

Then, I expanded on those points, in the direction I believe they should be expanded. It felt so good to see that "I'm not sure but I think this could be very bad for me" face staring dumbly back at me, while behind him his constituancy involuntarily nodded their heads to what I'd said.

Oh yeah, I'm ready to be a parent. And the first thing I want to do is to put that brainless jerk (and the folks doing the steering) into a nice long time out.

Feeling Good! Just a Fluke, or could it be...

I'm nearing the end of the first trimester. My energy is finally picking back up, and although I'm still having problems with getting woozious when I'm hungry and bloated and gassy when I'm full, I'm doing pretty well!

I finally gave in and got some gas relief tablets from Kroger, and WOW do they help! I wish I'd known about these years ago. I never really believed that they could help, but they really do! So all you ladies out there who are dealing with too much pressure in the baby-cabin, try it! So far, it's even keeping me from having any heartburn.

Of course, it could also be that I'm finally figuring out what I can and can't eat right now... but I'm guessing that's not it, because I had chicken tandoori (spicy indian food with chicken and spinach) and string cheese for lunch, and my two big probem food types have been spicy stuff and milk products.

I still look like a girl with a pooch rather than a girl with a baby pouch, but I'm getting closer. I went ahead and bought my first pair of maternity jeans, and although they feel very loose around the belly when I'm not full of gas, they feel much much better than my pre-pregnancy jeans. I don't think I'll even attempt those again until a couple months after the baby is born.

This weekend my big plan is to catch up on laundry, since I've been too tired to do it, and Mombi has been busy feeding me. It's a bit frustrating to look at those huge mounds of dirty clothes and to know that half of them won't be wearable after I wash them anyway. It's enough to make a girl wish she had a storage facility closet to just hide it all in. Has anyone invented disposable clothing yet? I usually don't use anything disposable, but right now, you could count me in!

The Agony of Complete Satisfaction

I am so full. I am so full of good food that I won't even bother adding the extra "o"s at the end of "so" to try to express it. Today I got to participate in a panel at a food tasting to decide on what food will be served at my company's Holiday party, and I ate WAY too much. But oh, was it good... An hour later, I'm still making happy groaning sounds. It's cracking Mombi up. She's quickly coming to understand, though, because I had them box up what I couldn't finish so she could have it for dinner. (Hehe, she just hummed as she ate. She's so cute!)

I've been at a loss for what to eat lately because my digestion is so wacky, but let me tell you, everything they served hit the spot. We're talking two full four course meals and two full size desserts, here. Yes. That's right. Now you come to understand the seriousness of my situation. It's a good thing I just had graham crackers and water up until then today, or my eyes might have popped out. I went from looking like two months pregnant to looking like four months pregnant over the course of an hour and a half!

Week 11 Sonogram

Today we are 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant!

Here are some pictures from our sonogram this morning. As you can see, Jif has disappeared in the mysterious way that twins sometimes do. Apparently, Jif decided that s/he wasn’t getting enough attention as part of a set, and preferred to wait until next time around.

Skippy, on the other hand, is enjoying the new space by dancing all over the place. It was hard to get good pictures because of all the wiggling going on in there. What an amazing thing to watch, though! We’re a bit bummed not to be having twins, of course, but we’re totally thrilled by how well Skippy is doing. We’re very happy and excited about our new family!

Dreams Tell All

I haven't posted any dreams lately because they've gotten weirder, longer, and more disjointed. At this point, most of my dreams would take at least four screens to describe, and you'd probably give up halfway through because they would make no sense anyway. They didn't even make sense while I was dreaming them. So, here in no particular order I present to you some selections and synopses of some of the dreams I've been having. Feel free to post any suggested meanings or insights!

I'm at the home of a couple of genius mountain goats who own an art/architecture bookstore. Their home is out in the middle of a field, built inside an old semi trailer. As I'm being led through to the living room, I step on the wrong spot on their raised dining room and the whole thing starts to shift like a precariously balanced rock. The next thing I know, I'm surfing across their bookshelves, which are sliding everywhere, with their dining room floor as a surfboard. My friends (who work in the bookstore) appologize profusely to the goats for my lack of grace, and assure them that they had no idea that I wasn't capable of watching where I put my feet.

I'm in a hotel with a bunch of other college students (no, I'm not still in college in real life) for some sort of spring break conference or event. We're getting ready to meet friends, when the cat I'm petting out by the pool suddenly starts talking as if channeling spirits. Very strange. So we try to find our friend's room, only to discover that the floors seem to have changed around on us. The next thing we know, we're in the middle of a series of freaky interactions with "spirits" of some sort. We're battling our way through hallways, rooms, and lobbies, growing less incredulous moment by moment, until at last we're in this one room when we hear yet another voice coming from nowhere, saying something or other. When I finally get my breath back from battling invisible force fields to get into the room, I realize that the voice is actually addressing each of us. For example, "Stephen, you're such a cool and calm leader. Leaders like Stephen use X anti-perspirant for when the heat is really on. It helps a leader stay cool." Eventually we all realize that the voice is not taunting us, but trying to sell products to us. Out of the restroom comes one of the people in our team who had been "lost to the underworld" somewhere along the way, modeling an argyle sweater... The man who provided the "voice" walked next to him. After describing the sweater, he explained that we were some of the first people in the world to experience the radical new technology of interactive advertising. Everyone who stayed in the hotel would be subjected to some variation of the maze we'd been led through.

I'm helping out serving food at the wedding of some unidentified extended family member. My mom asks me if I'd be willing to distribute the ice cream. Sure, no problem, I think. Yeah. Problem. She hands me a half gallon plastic tub of some sort of three flavor swirl ice cream, and a plastic spoon. There are at least 30 people sitting at the table watching me, waiting for their ice cream. There's no way I'll be able to serve them each more than a tablespoon and still have enough to serve everyone, and they don't have any spoons or bowls or anything. I need supplies and a plan. What follows is a bit too painful to describe, but involves a lot of melted ice cream and grumpy/frustrated guests.

Mombi and I and our 9 mo old child are living in an old psychiactric hospital that we've purchased to remodel into a home. The only down side is that the former (psychotic) residents haunt the place, and they want us out. Whenever they feel our skin make contact with part of the buliding, any spirits that were close enough to sense it try to get rid of us by turning into corporeal giant spiders that spit toxic sludge at us. The good news is that we were all still alive and unharmed when I woke up.

I get caught messing around at summer camp when I'm supposed to be paying attention to a field trip presentation on how the gears on stage curtain lifters work. I explain that I already know, that I figured it out, and that I could probably build one myself if I wanted to. The teacher/guide is pissed, much the way most teachers are when they realize that you already know what they are supposed to be teaching you. So as "punishment" he assigns me to do just that, and points to a huge pile of spare parts. I think the intention was to make me back down on my statement that I already knew how they worked. It totally backfired, though, when I got all excited and wanted to get started right then, while the other students were still sitting there listening to a lecture. So I ended up getting to spend my evenings (presumably for the whole summer) climbing around on riggings up in the ceiling of a massive theater. Awesome!

Ginger is Good for Morning Sickness

But try to mix it up with other stuff, it's very strong. I was practically living on it for a week or so. I stopped when I couldn't stand the sight or smell of anything ginger any more, but I've been having stomach pains for the past week or so. Now I'm afraid I may have burned the lining of my stomach!

Moving slow

Today I don't feel pregnant. Today I feel like a pot-bellied zombie turtle.

Baby gear

Date check: I'm 9 weeks 3 days pregnant as of today.

We received our first baby gear gifts yesterday! My sister in law gave us a ducky that indicates if bath water is too hot (very cool, since one of our bathrooms houses our ducky collection,) and my mom gave us a nice small "quick trip" diaper bag. Woo hoo! Maybe it's time to start thinking about clearing out the baby's room. Although truly, since we're not really planning to decorate it other than to hang a picture or two, it's not like we don't have plenty of time.

We're hoping to get as much stuff "used" as we can, including gifts, so the chances of getting anything that matches is pretty slim. We figure there's plenty of time to do a themed room once the kid is old enough to have an opinion. Still, I haven't been able to resist doing some registries. We're registered at Target and BabyCenter.com. I figure most of that same stuff can be found at consignment shops or on ebay anyway. What we really need are a bunch of cloth diapers/covers and a washer and dryer, but I haven't found anyplace to register for good cloth diapers, and I'm not about to be so rude as to register for a washer and dryer. Ah well.

Happy Friday!

TGIF!

It's been a heck of a week, and I'm so glad that it's Friday! It's not that this week has been particularly busy or particularly tiring or anything like that, it's just been emotionally draining. I'm looking forward to some quality time on the couch with my trusty laptop this weekend to even things out. Some people go for shopping therapy, I prefer to stare at an LCD screen for as many hours as I can stand. Which of course is diminished now that I fall asleep so easily, but that's another matter entirely!

Here's my question for the weekend: If you could imagine the perfect slogan to put on a gift for your partner (particularly around pregnancy or parenting, but I'm up for whatever) what would it be?

Perks of Pregnancy

Sure, it's nice to be able to sleep through the night without any effort when you're not pregnant. On the other hand, it's also nice to give in to the desire to hop out of bed at 3:30 AM to fix yourself some bread with butter and strawberry preserves.

Life is good. Cheers, everyone!

Firsts: Tears

Sad news, it does not look like Jif (Baby B) will be making it into the world. Ultra sound today showed no heartbeat and very little room since Skippy is doing so well.

We are sad, yes very sad but we are now going to focus all of our positve energies on Skippy who is doing very well and is developing on schedule and has a wonderful heart beat.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and keep is in your hopes.

Mombi

Happy Birthday Nana!

My mom turns 50 today. In honor of her, I'd like to take a moment to share some of my best memories of her when I was little. At bedtime, I used to curl around sideways so I could put my head on her lap while we said prayers. I tended to get a bit elaborate, just to keep my head there a bit longer. Mom had a way of making the simplest meals the most special. The ultimate dinner treat was tortilla chips with cheddar cheese melted on them. Mom used to eat toast with peanut butter for lunch every day. It was her quiet time, and she usually read while she ate. I totally respect her for holding on to that time for herself. We lived out in the country, so she went grocery shopping for our family of six once every week or two. When she got home, the entire kitchen floor would fill up with brown paper grocery bags full of stuff. It was awe inspiring then, and even more so now that I know how much effort that must have taken! Mom encouraged us to find ways to amuse ourselves, and provided the basic means for us to create whatever we wanted (within reason). When we went to the fair and I saw the "invisible dog" leashes they were selling, I desperately wanted one. She said no, but let me use a coat hanger and a whole bunch of pipe cleaners to make my own! She never told us to not be silly. Mom encouraged reading. We'd come home from the library with a 15 lb stack each. We got to choose one book to read immediately, while she wrote down the names of all the others in a notebook so that none would be lost without us knowing it on due day. When we were old enough, Mom let us play in the bathtub for a LONG time. Mom hates camping, but she never tried to stop us from going with Dad. Frankly, I bet she enjoyed the "time off." Mom taught me to be clean when it counts, although it took me 25 years to decide that it does indeed count sometimes other than holidays.
Mom sent me chainmail underwear and vitamins for Easter when I was in college, and messages in bottles. When Mombi and I decided to leave Denver and move back home, she helped to make us comfortable and never asked up front how long we intended to stay. It was such a huge relief. I could go on and on, but I have to save something for the next "Mom" event.

I love you , Mom!

Shifts in Priorities

It's been a tiring week. Good, most of it, but tiring. I've come to the conclusion that I'll be doing most of my living on the weekends for a while. I'm just too tired during the week to start anything really interesting. I've been re-reading all of my favorite books for the bazillionth time, chatting with my girl, and generally lounging about.

This weekend I think I'm going to sew myself some belly bands because most of my shirts are already too short. OK, so most of them are too tight around the top, too, but I can't fix that. I've also got some new ideas for the gift shop in my head, so I'll be spending some quality time on the couch with my trusty Wacom graphics tablet. (If any of you out there are into graphic design or photo editing and don't have one, shame on you!) I may even spend some time standing in the middle of the mess in the future babies' room, although I doubt I'll actually jump in and start organizing.

And, of course, I'll be spending all this time in as close of proximity to my fabulous wife as possible. She's so amazing. Seriously. She rocks my world. She made me clove toast for breakfast today. Like cinammon toast, but with cloves instead. YUMMY!!!

Chemical Messages and REM Sleep

Wowie, it's been a few days! Sorry about that! I've been either sleeping or catching up on housework since I posted last. No, I take that back, I've been doing housework, sleeping, and having crazy dreams!

Dream 2:
There's something physically wrong with me, something that can be fixed in a radical new surgical procedure that a doctor says he can do for me. I agree, and within hours I'm in the hospital, going under general anesthesia for the surgery. As I'm losing consciousness, it occurs to me that all I know about what the doctor plans to do is that it has something to do with replacing some of my parts with cat parts. For some reason, I have a fear that he's just going to take my lungs out and put them in a cat. Hmm... Maybe I should have asked for more details while I could? It's way too late for that, so I just have to hope for the best.

I wake up in the hospital feeling great, and look down to see that I still have all my own limbs. I feel like me. So far, so good. My family shows up (along with one of the family cats, Abydos) and they all coo over how great I look and how much better I must be feeling. Mom even mentioned that she loved my hair. Well, not everyone is cooing. Abydos is rolling around on the nice cool hospital floor, mumbling something about stupid humans that don't know a good thing when they see it, and that they should all be enjoying the finer things in hospital living, rather than standing around a bed talking to another stupid human.

No, I didn't just intuit that because that's what it always looks like cats are telling us. I could actually understand him. I don't know if it was the aim of the surgery or just a side effect, but I could definitely communicate. Of course, Abydos didn't believe that the replies were coming from me. He figured he was imagining things, because clearly there were no inteligent beings in the room to answer him. He just concluded that he was bored out of his mind by all the "human stuff."

Soon, I was awake enough in my dream to realize that I had to go to the bathroom. I got up and went into the hospital bathroom. I looked in the mirror, and cracked up. The hair on the top of my head had been replaced by a big mop of longhaired calico craziness. It was too long for cat hair, though. It looked like a human-scale version of the mess that sits on top of a long-haired guinea pig. Very chic.


I woke up loving life, and wishing I had that hair!

Stay tuned for the other dream I had the same night. I'll post it tonight, but right now it's time to get ready for work!

So Many Kinds of Family

One of the most remarkable things about the TTC process is that it brings together people of such different backgrounds and situations. During the past few months, we have heard of so many kinds of families that we've truly been awed and amazed by the range of what "family" means to different people.

I've been doodling and designing shirts and gifts for many of my new friends, and have come up with enough designs to open a gift shop for the blog. To celebrate all the beautiful variations on the concept of "family," and also, I admit, to help support the rather shocking fact that we're going to have twins soon (!) we'd like to invite you to visit the new gift shop, and perhaps find something for your own family.

I'm still designing (in between naps and all that other pregnancy stuff) so if you have an idea for a design that you think I should do, just post it whenever!

Introducing Skippy and Jif!

After much debate, Mombi and I have decided on Skippy and Jif as temporary names for our little peanuts. Thanks for the great suggestion, Nana! Now all we have to do is come up with more "real" names, since the chances are two in three that we'll need one more name to go with one of the two we already have picked out.

We were on BabyCenter last night using their name search engine. If you haven't seen it yet, you really should check it out. It's much better than any of the other onese we've seen out there, which pretty much just list a bunch of names. At BabyCenter, you can search by first letter, last letter, number of syllables, and/or origin. You can also search for names with the same meaning. Excellent! Of course, now Mombi has her heart set on naming a girl Dwynwen...

Nickname Challenge

We’re looking for nickname suggestions for what to call the twins until we find out what genders they are. Suggestions should be some sort of set (i.e. salt and pepper) but cannot suggest gender (i.e. Fred and Ginger) or sound painful to carry (i.e. anything sharp or huge!)

There’s no deadline, the contest ends when we find nicknames we like, and announce them on the site.

Just post your suggestions in the comments. Good luck!

Still in Shock

Wow... Twins.

The one possibility I hadn't read up on ahead of time. I'm totally excited, a tad bit terrified, and absolutely still in shock. Add that to mildly woozy and ready for a nap, and you can imagine the state I'm in as I try to get through my work day. I'm chomping down on ginger candies to hold off the nausea, but it isn't working very well today. I think I need protein. At least now I know why it is that I already feel like I'm starting to show, when I'm only at 7 weeks (5 weeks gestation) as of today!

Wow... Twins.

Firsts: Ultra Sound(s)

I nearly passed out when the gals who were doing the ultrasound asked how many babys we wanted...because before my very eyes I could have sworn I had seen two.


Sure enough...they confirmed that there were two....

Which means TWINS!!!

WOOOOT!

Momai is doing very well, we're both very excited and shocked. She's been really tired as of late and I don't blame her, producing two million cells a minute would take a toll out on any body.

We plan on giving Baby A and Baby B much more creative names right now we're just in shock and on cloud nine.

Baby A is slightly larger than Baby B but they both have very strong heart beats and were both 130.

I know one thing, my heart is beating x2, for the two new additions to our happy family.

Dream Post #1

Mombi has suggested that I ought to write down my pregnancy dreams somewhere. So I was thinking, how about here? I'll share last night's dream with you, and you let me know if you'd be amused by reading more, or if I should just keep this somewhere as a private torture. I'll warn you now, they almost all involve food in some way.

Mombi and I are at a Geico sponsored dinner. No, I have no idea why. It looks like we're some sort of special guests, though, because we're toward the front of the room. We're facing each other across the middle of a 6 foot diameter table, of the sort common in hotel banquet halls. The rest of the table's guests are all Geico salesmen, and they look almost identical. They probably aren't even related, but they have the exact same hair, and the exact same clothing.

As the dream opens, Mombi and I are giving each other looks of barely-contained misery across the table as the other guests laugh hysterically. Somehow I intuit (as we do in dreams) that Mombi and I have been stuck there for quite some time. There's cold and unappatizing food on our plates, the water glasses are nearly empty, and I'm longing for escape.

The laughter is just starting to slow when the guest to Mombi's left says (through gasps and snorts of laughter) "Wait... wait... I've got another one... Using Geico is so easy, a plumber could do it!" The table erupts with more laughter. "Ha ha ha! A plumber!" Then from one of the others: "Using Geico is so easy, a chiropractor could do it!" Some of the guys are literally wiping away tears at this point. One of them, whose face is beet red, is hooting like he's in labor. "Wah ha ha! A chiropractor! Woo-ee, that's a good one!" "Hey, hey, using Geico is so easy, a gas attendant could do it!"

This went on (in my dream) for about ten minutes, as Mombi and I stared at each other across the table, stony faced, pleading with each other to just get up and leave. Occasionally, one of the guests to our right or left would elbow us in the ribs, but for the most part they were totally oblivious to our presence. The dream ended as the head waitress indicated that we would be able to cash out in about half an hour.

I couldn't suffer through any more, so I woke up and went to raid the kitchen. Now, I leave it to you: Was that just too painful to read, or do you want more? I won't share them all, just the amusing/funny ones.

6 Weeks and 4 Days Pregnant

I can't believe that I've only known that I'm pregnant for a few weeks. It feels like forever. I know, I know, we have a LONG way to go. It just feels like the natural state of affairs. No morning sickness yet, but I have been dealing with borderline queasiness for a few days now. I discovered an article on American Baby that lists some common foods that people find help them with morning sickness (other than crackers) and decided to try ginger candies, since I love them anyway. They really help!

I also bought a jar of sushi ginger to keep in the fridge for when I need heavy artillery. It taunts me every time I open the fridge, though, so now I'm thinking that I'm going to have to break out the rice cooker and roll some sushi! No raw fish, of course, but I'll settle for some nice veggie rolls. Yummy! Mombi is right next to me and she just said that she's craving cinnamon rolls with orange glaze, straight from the oven. Nope, I'd rather have sushi. What's wrong with me?

Oh yeah. I'm pregnant!

A Very Demanding Lentil

Our kiddo is approximately the size of a lentil now, and is about to start the transition from looking like a malformed shrimp to looking like an alien. Go, lentil, go!

I have to say, though... This kid is needy. I mean really, how much resources can you pack into something that small? I've come to realize that for the next 7.5 months, I'm basically going to be functioning as a giant battery pack for the little one. It's a good thing that Mombi is keeping me plugged in to my own rechargers, via food and sleep. Last night she put me straight to bed when I got home from work, and then woke me up for short intervals throughout the evening and night to eat. Not counting when I was awake for feeding or to use the facilities, I slept 16 straight hours! At this time, I'd like to say thanks to all the union workers who worked so hard to institutionalize the concept of weekends off.

Bring on the Cravings!

Before I got pregnant, I assumed that I would be craving ice cream for 9 months, because I always crave ice cream anyway. I was looking forward to having a good excuse. Well, it hasn't exactly happened that way. For three weeks now, I've been craving vegetables. Baby peas in particular make me tremble with anticipation. Tomatoes are lovely, guacamole is good, and Chinese mixed veggies from the local take-out place are to die for. If only they were available in the vending machines at work!

So what about sweets? Well, so far I've just had a thing for flan. But any sweet treat (including the flan) can pretty much get in line behind the veggies. Yes, that's right, I'm chosing broccoli over chocolate. If I still doubted it, I now have definite proof that I'm pregnant!

Sleep is my new best friend.

It looks like I'm in for a few months of serious fatigue. I'd like to beg the forgiveness right now of anyone I ever mentally grouched at for not posting more frequently during the first trimester, and I beg your pardon now if I tend to slip in my own postings over the next few weeks. I'd probably just be talking about wanting to sleep, anyway.

I feel like I did when I had Epstein-Barr in high school. Ah, if only I could spend a month laying around the house like I did then! At least my brain isn't too addled yet, although I did make myself a plate of leftovers the other day and then make room for it in the center of the refrigerator so it could heat evenly. I didn't realize my folly until I was shutting the fridge door. We'll just hope that was an isolated incident.

So very, very tired...

The trip to Texas was fabulous, but pregnancy fatigue set in on our first full day there, and I was very sleepy the whole rest of the trip. I bet I spent over 50% of the time either sleeping or zoned out. Even now, I can hardly keep my eyes open. We had a good time, though. Mombi's dad and his wife are excited about our pregnancy (YAY!) and we had some great conversations with them about our upcoming plans.

The biggest event of the trip was that we all went to IKEA. I love their catalog, but I'd never been in one of their stores. Crazy us, we went on a Saturday afternoon! It was so busy that none of us could stand being there much over an hour, which was not nearly enough time to see the whole place. But we bought a rattle for the kiddo, and some funky fabric with which to make baby stuff.

Mombi found the most fabulous down-filled boluster pillow. It was all vacuum packed so we were going to pack it in our luggage like that, but the packaging somehow got punctured after we got it back to her parents' place, so I got to open it and use it. Let me tell you, it's one heck of a comfortable pillow. Her dad's dog kept barking at it, though. We're not sure what his issue was, but it was very funny.

We got back home around 11:30AM, and I immediately unpacked my precious pillow and fell asleep until 3. Then I woke up for a snack, followed quickly by my birthday dinner of 4-Cheese Totino's Party Pizza. I have never smelled anything so good in my entire life. What a great 28th birthday weekend. And to think... next year we'll have a 4 month old to celebrate with!

The Next Adventure is...

Mombi and I are flying to Texas this morning to spend the weekend with her dad and his wife. We'd planned to tell them that we were TTC when we saw them. Then we got a positive. So now, we'll be telling them in person that we're going to have a baby! Sure, we've told them before that we hoped to have a family. They just don't know that it's so close at hand. Or belly, as the case may be. We'll be flying with our fingers crossed!

We'll be back on Monday, just in time for me to blog my official 28th birthday post.

Cheers!

HCG at 19DPO

2860! ACK!

Our Success Factors

Whenever someone in the TTC community gets a positive pregnancy test, there’s a flurry of speculation about what made the difference that month. Since we got our BFP the first time we did an IUI, we can’t really tell you what we did differently. We can, however, share some of the factors that we credit with our success:

Soundtrack: There were some very appropriate songs playing on the radio right after our IUI that probably encouraged swimming in the right direction. See previous post for a list.

Dressing the Part: After the IUI, I wore my lucky Super Girl attire (not as pictured) for the rest of the day.

Good vibes: We hung around with my brother’s family a couple days after our IUI, and the happy kid vibe of playing in the pool with them probably helped to inspire and motivate our own little one.

Coaching: Mombi gave daily instructions to my abdomen, detailing what to expect next and what to do.

Gifts from friends: Our friend Amy gave our dog some squeaky toys as an early “big sister” gift a few days before we got our results. Our friend Fifi gave me a shirt that she envisioned me wearing during early pregnancy, which I wore the day I had my beta test done. I was wearing it when I got the results.

Of course, when it comes down to it, it's mostly a matter of luck. We don’t know if any of these will help you to get lucky in your own quest for the illusive BFP, but that’s what we "credit" with our success. Best of luck to all of you still trying. Keep the faith, and know that we're pulling for you!

Doin' the Happy Pregnant Dance

I just got a call from my doctor, and my HCG level is up to 952. In the nurse's words, that's outstanding. Just like my belly will be soon!

I know it won't be this easy forever, but today I'm really feeling that this pregnancy is going to treat me well. To be honest, it's actually Mombi that's treating me so well. She wakes me up with breakfast in bed each morning so that I can have lots of good food in my belly before I even get out of bed. She indulges my desire for peas for dinner. If I mention a food, she threatens to stock pile it just in case I develop a craving emergency. She gives the kiddo little zerberts and kisses. She gives me big zerberts and kisses. She is absolutely, hands down, the best woman in the Universe (sorry ladies, but it's true) and I can't imagine not having her here enjoying this with me.

So what's next? Well, a friend of mine is going to give me a crash course in knitting tomorrow, so I can eventually knit my own diaper covers. Party time!

Channelling My Inner Wimp

So far in my pregnancy, the hardest thing for me has been to not push myself too hard. I’m accustomed to spending the weekends hauling furniture and other projects around my apartment. I’m accustomed to carrying two 24-packs of water bottles at a time rather than ask for help, just to prove that I’m not a “girl.” I regularly declare that I can handle anything heavy around the office, because I used to play rugby. “I can do it myself.” “I need the workout.” “I call this strength training.” I may dress fairly girly most days, but I have the heart of a domesticated butch.

So for me to have to say “sorry, I shouldn’t be lifting anything that heavy” is really tough for me. I’m trying to make compromises with myself, to ease myself into it slowly. For example, I can carry more weight if it can be carried in such a way that it doesn’t put pressure on my abdomen. So, I can carry more on my shoulder or under my arm than I can carry in front of me. I can carry more if it is in small bags and balanced on my right and left sides.

The Other Side is Swell

I don't know how long this stage lasts, but so far the biggest change between TTC and being pregnant is that I'm no longer searching for signs that something could be very right, and instead I'm looking for signs that anything could be very wrong.

I'm still massively puffy and more than a bit uncomfortable from the drugs, and I look like I'm about 4 months pregnant, not just one! The nurse at my fertility clinic assured me that this can happen and that I should be fine. I'm to call them immediately if it suddenly gets much worse, starts to hurt, or makes me short of breath. It's probably just gas and hormones, but part of me insists on being worried that it's something very bad, like a triple ectopic pregnancy or something crazy like that.

I guess that I'll just have to wait until Monday's blood test to make sure my levels are still good. I'll have them poke my belly while I'm there and tell me if it's normal. In the meantime, I'm instructed to drink Gatorade. Yech.

By the way, my HCG level on 13DPO was 169. Pretty good!

Great News to Share!

I'm pregnant!

For the past few days, I've been changing my mind every hour or so as to whether I was sure I was or sure I wasn't. I have to tell you though, I didn't realize just how not sure I was until the doctor's office told me I was pregnant. The nurse had to tell me twice. I just didn't believe that I'd heard correctly. I managed to stay totally calm while I got my directions (keep taking suppliments, come see us on Monday) and then hung up.

Immediately, I called Mombi. She answered on the first ring, but the connection was apparently not very good on her end:

"Hi! Did they call?"
"Yup! I am!"
"They told you?"
"Yes, they said I'm pregnant!"
"Did they call?"
"Yes!"
"Hang on, I can't hear you. Let me move over to the door. Sorry. Did they call?"
"Yup! And I am!"
"You're pregnant?"
"I'm pregnant!"

(This part you'll have to imagine, because I can't figure out how to type it. She started squealing and cheering and yelling Yes! Yes! Yes! and making lots of loud whooping sounds. She was holding the phone away from her mouth, so I figured she was also dancing and throwing her arms in the air. On my end, I had the phone about a foot away from my ear, and I could still hear her. I wish I had a recording of it!)

Then the phone went dead.

She called right back. "Sorry, I got too enthusiastic and lost the connection!" I don't remember much of the rest of the conversation, just lots of grinning and happiness.

Firsts: Blood Test Results

I have very few words, and an even shorter babble......

Test results from this morning's blood test are postive.

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

YES

YES

YES

WOOOOOT!!!!!!

WE ARE PREGNANT

One Day and Counting

My rotten temp is down a bit today. True, I woke up with half of me uncovered, but still. Which do I believe? That one, or yesterday's when I was extra warm? I swear... I wanted to just run out and by an HPT to get it over with. But if I got a positive I'd worry it was a false positive (see earlier post) and if it was negative I'd wonder if it was a false negative, so what is the point?

I'll hold out because I don't have much choice, and 24 hours from now I'll be on the way to the repro clinic for a pregnancy blood test before work. Then all I have to do is remain sane and concentrate on my job until they call with the results. Yeah, that's going to happen. Riiiight. I don't know if I can handle the pressure of waiting for them to call with the result, when I have no idea what it is going to be!

Let's Have Fun with BBT

(High Basal Body Temperature can be a sign of pregnancy.)

If your temp is up, you wonder if it is just because the cat was sleeping on your feet. If it goes down, you wonder if perhaps you had your covers on more tightly the night before. You monitor how many layers you have on you each night with religious ferocity. If you skipped the flannel PJ pants on 1DPO, they’re out for the rest of the cycle, no matter how cold you get.

If you’re on progesterone supplements, you wonder if you’d have a temp of 96.2 F without them. If you wake up 10 minutes before the alarm, you lay in bed motionless, think bland thoughts, and “pretend” to be asleep so that nothing will change before it is your exact usual time to take your temp.

The most recent temperature always indicates the trend. If it has gone down by .06 degrees, you couldn’t possibly be pregnant. You’re sure it will plummet the next day. If it goes up by .06, it’s time to celebrate and do some “nesting” before work, because this must be your lucky cycle.

If your temp chart looks like a zig-zag, Goddess help you keep your sanity. But if you do lose it, don't worry. It could just be a sign of pregnancy.

Prometrium side effects can kick your butt.

I know how you feel, kiddo.

Benefits of HCG Trigger Shots

I'm about to go grocery shopping, and I mentioned to Mombi how bummed I am that our new local grocery store doesn't have special parking spaces reserved for pregnant women. I was really looking forward to parking our rainbowed car in the ones where we used to live.

I'm going to shop at the old store today because I need something from the pet store next door, so Mombi said, "Hey, go ahead and park in one of them while you're there. If they make you take a pregnancy test to prove it, you know it will be positive!" My girl cracks me up. She's so brilliant! I won't do it, of course, but still.

(For those of you that don't know, the trigger shot is the same hormone that pregnancy tests detect. So since I still have the trigger shot in my system, any home pregnancy test will show a positive result.)

2:30 AM. Crackers, please.

So this morning at 2:30 AM I woke up wanting crackers. I bet you already figured that out, right? Well anyway, yeah, I did. I was feeling a bit nauseous, and needed something in my stomache. (Now I know what you're thinking, and it did cross my mind, but no. I think it was more a symptom of having chicken/mushroom/green olive pizza for dinner last night than an early sign of pregnancy. Why the heck did I eat that for dinner? OK, now you've got me.) They were good crackers, and did their job nicely, but I have to ask... Why is it that only crackers can fill this need to settle the stomach quickly, and yet they are so inherently dry that they're misery for a two-AM mouth? Someone over at the Keebler factory needs to get on this.

So after my crackers, I'm laying in bed, feeling good, and it occurs to me how nice it would be to do an embroidery panel version of my fertility chart as a gift for Terri Weschler as a thank-you for all her work promoting FAM. We didn't even use FAM this cycle, it was all drugs and ultrasounds. And I don't do embroidery.

Yeah, someone needed a few more hours of sleep!

This life rocks!

Life is fabulous. OK, so money is tight and there are some stressful moments here and there, but all in all, life rocks. I have an amazing wife, and a family that loves and accepts me. I have friends who have known me long enough to remember me bald and hot to get into a political debate, and friends who have met me recently and can’t imagine what I would look like with hot pink hair out on a dance floor.

All of these people are dear to me, and I’m so glad to have them (you) all along for the journey as we strive to create yet another amazing life. I think about how much I’ve seen and done, and how much I have left to see and do. My list for the future includes so much. I picture Mombi and the kiddo and I, lounging on mats in the children’s library, camping and hiking, heading off on mysterious trips of discovery to uncharted and magical lands in a high styling retro RV, making pancakes and “ants on a log.” There’s so much to look forward to!

Firsts: Momai

When I first met my partner, it was through her writing; a profile on a GBLT personals site and she was seeking friendship in the area that she was currently living.

Wow! Guess what so was I!

The keywords that made me look at her profile was that she was a Phoenix Soul I love the phoenix myth, rising from the ashes of your own distrction to bring life anew. So out of

Perhaps someday I will write the story, but one thing I do know..is that now, this time in my life and for the past five years Momai has made me the happiest woman possible.

Now, she is going to give me, us, the greatest gift possible for a couple.

To my wife I thank you for more than I can explain,

My first true love I am forever yours I am honored to be Mombi to your chilren

What's in a name?

One of the parenting dilemmas that is nearly unique to gays and lesbians is the question of what the child should be taught to call the parents. Although straight grandparents are well familiar with this process, straight parents don't generally consider it to be a matter worthy of much debate. For the lesbian or gay couple, however, it can be just as difficult, if not more difficult, as choosing the child's name!

Mombi and I spent many conversations debating the pros and cons of various combinations. While lamenting the difficulty of choosing, one of us suggested that we should just be Mom A and Mom B. Nice and simple. Like a stray with a nickname, within 24 hours we were stuck with it.

We've changed the pronunciations a bit so that it isn't quite so harsh, so now Mom A is Momai pronounced mum-AY, and Mom B is Mombi pronounced MOM-bee. Not too bad. And of course, the child could decide to call us something totally different. The dog and cat seem to like it, though, so for now it works just fine.

A Whole New World

According to the online animation I found the other day, my fertilized egg should be wandering out into the vastness of the uterus some time in the next 24 hours. Of course, Mombi has declared that it is probably an overachiever and that it has already implanted. Actually, I think she used the pronoun "they" as in "more than one fertilized egg." She REALLY wants twins.

By the way, if the voice on the animation sounds familiar, she may be. She does readings for books on CD, and read all of the Clan of the Cavebear books. Mombi and I spent many many commuting hours listening to her read those books, so her voice also makes me think of long-winded explanations of trapping and making fire. Sure, the characters in those books had a much larger area to explore. My little egg will just be bumping around in the dark, looking for a nice soft spot to settle down. Hopefully in a couple weeks we'll be able to see that Big Challenge #2 has been accomplished!

My current state:
I'm still feeling the last bits of abdominal grumpiness from all the fertility drugs, but that's fine by me if it works! I've also realized that since I have all these hormones in my system already (HCG, progesterone, estrogen) that I truly can't count any symptoms of pregnancy that I discover, because they could just as well be from my medications. It's nice, in a way. It's not that I'm not keeping tabs, of course. I just won't believe any that I notice.

Mushy Materialist Moment, Please Stand By

I'm certainly not what you'd call a style guru. As far as brand name clothing goes, I generally don't have a clue, unless there's a big duck head or spotted dog featured prominently. However, there is one brand name that I can now spot from 100 paces, and I'm frightened to report that I've seen it for sale within 20 miles of my home.

I saw an outfit in the window of a small children's clothing boutique on Friday while I was out on an errand for work, and instantly recognized the fabulous fabrics of Zutano. No, I didn't go inside. Hey, I was on the clock! But it was still a close call.

So for all you other hip parents-to-be out there, make sure you check out their website. Their clothing is so darned cute! Maybe someone from Zutano will read this post and decide to give my child-to-be a full wardrobe of their clothing as a thank-you gift for all the publicity. Hey, a girl can hope!

Super glue, tree sap, and strawberry jam

By this time, the swim team has either done what it was sent to do, or not. Too bad we have to wait for two more weeks before we find out!

In the meantime, I'm going to visualize lots of sticky things. Let's hope it gets stuck for 9 months!

It's official

I've been inseminated!

Mombi picked me up from work and we went to the clinic together. After the IUI, we sat together in the exam room, talking and laughing, while she introduced herself to the swimmers and instructed them on their mission. It was so very sweet. She's going to be an amazing mom!

The radio station that was playing over the intercom system kept putting on songs that were really funny in context. I wish I'd thought to write them down, because I don't remember any of them at the moment. I'm sure I'll remember the next time I hear one of them, though.

After, we stopped at the local gay pride store and did some browsing. I found a very cute children's book called And Tango Makes Three. If you're looking for a good diversity book for kids, I totally recommend it. It's the true story of a pair of male penguins at the Central Park zoo that were a bonded couple. The zookeeper gave them an egg that needed to be cared for, and they worked together to hatch it. The drawings in the book are very cute, and the story is wonderful, especially when you find out that it's a true story. Nothing against Heather Has Two Mommies, but diversity books for children have come so far!

Edit by Mombi, the song list was:

Journey: Don't Stop Believing
Keith Irving: Making Memory
Pointer Sisters: Fire
Aerosmith: Don't Want to Miss a Thing Lionel
Richie: My Love

So many firsts...and here is my first post.

Funny how thought patterns work isn't it?

I often find myself musing over my own thoughts at times, and here is my attempt to share this paticular ramble.

Firsts.

I sat down this morning to write this post and thought "huh...this is my first post...what do I talk about in my first post?" and then it struck me; just how many firsts our child will have.

First poo...
First smile...
First laugh...
First word...

Then it moved on through to first date...first partner....

My head began to spin and I took a step back, took hold of our dog's fishy toy...gave it a few squeeks and played with her while I continued to ponder. Another realization stuck....

Not only are we going to witness our child's first's but we will be experiencing a whole new round of firsts.

First dipar change...
First tear at our child's smile...
First giggle fit with our child...
First word squeeled to each other that our "ohsoultrasmartwizard" of a child genius spoke...

Wow....that's so cool!!

So, I've found the way that I will share my half of the experience with you, through firsts.

I have some catching up to do so I will write more soon.

For now...my first best wishes.

~Mombi

Gimme a T, Gimme a V, Gimme an S!

I had an appointment with my RE this morning to check my follicle development. Apparently I'm "responding well" to the meds, but they're not quite ripe yet. While they were measuring, my eyes were glued to the u/s screen. If it's this exciting to watch them measure follicles, I can't wait until they're measuring a little kiddo!

I have to say, Clomid and Gonal-F have been treating me very well. This is my first cycle on either, and I was very nervous about how my body would react. I've heard so many horror stories of massive headaches and nasty tempers. It's been a total breeze for me, though. If anything, I've felt better than usual! I hope that pregnancy treats me so well.

Maybe it's just the drugs, but I've got a really good feeling about this cycle. Last cycle I made myself believe that it wouldn't work so I wouldn't be disappointed. But this cycle I think I'll have a much more difficult time writing off any "symptoms" I notice. The nurse will be calling me later this afternoon with my lab results and they'll let me know then if I should come back for my trigger shot on Wednesday or Thursday. Then IUI the next day, and it's on into the two week wait!

Windows shopping

I love research. There's nothing more satisfying for me than to spend hours on the internet preparing for a purchase. I spent a month just deciding which camera to buy when I first went digital.

So here we are on our second round of inseminations, no pregnancy yet, and I've already got my registries stocked. Occasionally, I'll decide to do some more research on some item or another. Today, it was diapers. Mombi and I have decided to do cloth diapers, and I can't tell you the hours I've spent reading reviews and explanations of all the different kinds of diapers out there.

It's not like disposables, where you have your choice of Pampers, Huggies, or store brand and that's about it. There are at least five different major categories of cloth diaper types, and literally hundreds of variations. Not to mention all the possibilities if I should decide to sew my own. Good grief! So I've been plugging away, deciding what type I want for what stage of the child's life, how many I should get, and which product reviews I believe. So far, I think I've decided and then changed my mind at least 6 times. My current favorites are Bum Genius one size fits all pocket diapers, except that they look too big for newborns, so I want to get something that is umbilical cord friendly for the first few weeks. Perhaps some fitteds or pre-folds. Of course, I haven't even started to think about diaper covers for them.

I have 9+ more months to decide. Ah, research heaven!

Welcome to Our Baby, Please!

A warm welcome to all of our readers-to-be. We created this blog to serve as an outlet for all of our pent-up baby-making energy, and as a way to document our process of trying to concieve our first child.

We have been together for just over five years, and we've finally decided that the time will never be more right than it is now, so we're going for it! I socked a bunch of cash into my flex spending account to buy us some sperm, and we've been charting since February 2006. We've had one BFN (Big insert-your-favorite-F-word-here Negative) and I'm currently taking several medications to boost my chances for the next round, which will be some time next week.